What to Do When You're Really Stressed
Learn a simple, practical exercise to reduce stress by identifying and improving everyday stressors.
If you are feeling stressed to the max, where every day feels overwhelming and you’re just barely keeping your head above water, this is a method to take back some control and make some changes.
This exercise is for those moments when you feel like you’re drowning and something needs to shift, but you’re not sure where to start.
When stress feels like too much
When stress is coming from every direction, it can feel impossible to sort through it all. Big stressors blend together with small, everyday annoyances, and your nervous system is just trying to get through the day.
Instead of trying to fix everything at once, this approach helps you slow things down, get specific, and find places where small changes can make a meaningful difference.
Step 1: Write down everything that’s stressing you out
Take a blank sheet of paper, and start writing down anything and everything that is causing you stress. I mean anything.
This can include larger stressors like finances, family conflict, or health struggles. It also includes smaller stress inducers, such as every time you open the cabinet under the kitchen sink, the paper towel roll falls off the holder (true story).
As you go through your day, pay attention to the small moments of irritation or tension. Those add up quickly. You may want to keep this list going for a full day or more so you can capture it all.
Here are some examples from my most recent list I completed a few months back:
Fall mental load (Halloween, Christmas, trip planning)
Meal planning and grocery shopping
Kids shoes and socks everywhere
Paper towel holder falling off every time I open the cabinet under the kitchen sink
Artwork coming home from school needs a home
Start saving for upcoming big expenses
Need actual cold weather clothes
Step 2: Look for simple changes and easy wins
Next, go down your list and think about ways to improve each stressor. Skip over anything you have zero ideas about for now. We’re starting with simplicity, not perfection. You can always come back to the harder ones later.
If you live with a partner or family, some items may need to become conversation points so you can brainstorm together and decide on a plan of action.
The goal here is to find easy wins and reduce some of the daily stressors that are quietly draining your energy.
That paper towel holder that didn’t hold the paper towel roll? It made grabbing anything under the sink turn into a moment of frustration because that dang paper towel roll would fall off every. single. time. I kept trying with it, attempting to bend the plastic closer together to hold the roll better. I mean I spent $10 on that thing and I wanted it to work. What did I do? I took it down. Now the paper towels just sit under the sink. No holder. Living life on the edge over here.
It sounds so silly but we all have these small moments of repeated (and sometimes big) frustration that if we took a moment to address, could make life a bit easier on us.
What to do about bigger stressors
Even with larger stressors, it’s helpful to ask whether there is anything that could improve your experience, even slightly. Some stressors may feel unsolvable at the moment, and that’s okay. That’s life, and it’s to be expected. Let’s find and act on what can change.
For example, with financial stress, the solution is rarely instant. It may involve starting a budget, cutting back on certain spending, or simply making a plan. Having a plan can help channel the stress and create a sense of direction.
If you are experiencing family conflict, the focus may be less about fixing the situation and more about how you engage with it. That could look like checking your phone less often, reconsidering boundaries, having a needed conversation, or intentionally making time to be present with life outside of the conflict.
The main idea is not to eliminate stress entirely, but to change your relationship with it.
A real-life example
I’ll give you an example from my own life of a smaller stressor that had a big impact: my kids’ socks and shoes.
Our shoe rack is by the back door where we come in most often. However, it’s a small space, so my kids tend to take off their shoes and socks on an ottoman bench that isn’t near the shoe rack. This led to a daily pile of shoes and socks by the bench.
They never wear socks in the house, so every time we came inside, their shoes and socks were left on the floor. This turned into endless reminders about putting shoes on the rack and socks away. Socks were also getting lost after being pushed under the bench or nearby shelves.
It was a small stressor in comparison to others, but it was ongoing and constant, and it was going to be the death of me.
So I cleared part of a shelf near the ottoman bench and created a spot just for their shoes, along with a basket for their socks. Problem pretty much solved. That specific stressor is no longer part of my daily life. Instead of telling them to put away their shoes multiple times a day (or doing it myself), it’s probably only a couple times a week.
Why this exercise can be so helpful
This is an exercise I’ve done every few years since my early 20s. I usually save it for those moments when I feel overwhelmed and something clearly needs to change. Every time, it’s been helpful.
I tend to tackle several of the smaller stressors right away and make a plan for some of the larger ones. There are always items left on the list that I don’t address immediately or that I plan to return to later for more brainstorming. And truly, some items that I don’t really have any ideas for how to solve yet.
Still, it’s a quick and effective way to identify what’s actually going on in your life and where you can make practical and often quick improvements. If you start with a list of 20 stressors and remove, or improve, even two or three, that can be a pretty meaningful win.
Are you ready to get out a sheet of paper?
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About the author:
Hi, I’m Shannon. I am a psychotherapist who works with Millennial and Gen Z women navigating anxiety, overwhelm, and life transitions. I know firsthand how stress can quietly build until everyday life feels heavy and exhausting.
I believe managing stress is often less about fixing everything and more about making small, practical changes that improve your day-to-day experience. In my therapy work, I help clients slow things down, reduce overwhelm, and create systems that actually support their mental health in real life.
If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with me to see if we may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my full website to learn more.
